Self-Love: How to find it and live in peace with yourself

Self-love is currently a huge topic on Social Media. You can read and hear it everywhere. So there is already an immense amount of ressources on the topic, yet I felt the urge to write about it myself.

Growing up, I never had a lot of self-confidence and didn't appreciate myself much. I had lots of friends and a loving and caring family, though there were some boys in school that found pleasure in harrasing me, calling me names and even physically abusing me. I was not the skinniest growing up and I was called nasty things (such as a "fat warthog"). Even though I never really wanted to admit it, I was left with emotional scars. Then, when I was around twelve, in the early stages of puberty, acne started to develop on my forehead. I didn't feel comfortable in my own skin and it made me feel incredibly insecure. I not only was lacking self-confidence but it got up to a point were I felt self-contempt.
That was a few years ago. But as I grew older I also grew stronger. Over the years I managed to restore my self-appreciation, the one that's probably inherent to most children when they are born, and grew to value myself for the person I am. But what did I do to gain more self-confidence? And how did I change from a person of little self-value to one filled with self-love?

Set realistic goals
Learning to play piano perfectly within a day? Or being able to speak five languages fluently by the end of the week? Hardly possible. So has it ever crossed your mind that maybe you have to reevaluate the goals you set? That maybe it's not about you failing, or not trying hard enough, but maybe you have just set your expectations of yourself way too high?
I mean it's important to challenge yourself a bit but that still means that you should set goals that can realistically seen be reached-as long as you put enough effort and dedication into it. By maybe adjusting your goals a bit you can celebrate successes which give you the strenght to push yourself even further.

Perfectly imperfect
Why is it that we always set our own expectations so high? We want to be pefect in everything that we do. There is a certain ideal version of ourselves that we picture and that we want to attain. And if we fail to live up to that ideal we tend to lose confidence in ourselves. We feel like we're not good enough. But why don't we just put that ideal aside and accept us the way we are? Pefectly imperfect-Because pefect is anyways boring. So don't be too hard on yourself and instead express kindness towards yourself.

Celebrate your successes and learn from your failures
Instead of focusing on your weaknesses and the things that didn't turn out that well you should instead focus on your strengths and celebrate those. Learn from failures and accept your weaknesses but don't give them more attention than your strengths. Instead nurture from your sucesses because those are the ones that give you the strength and the confidence to continue doing what you're doing.

Forgive yourself
People that accept that they don't need to be perfect are also kinder to themselves. After failure they don't get stuck on it but quickly move on. They acknowledge that it's human to make mistakes and they are kinder to themselves. Treating yourself with care also means that you can and should forgive yourself in order to let go. I used to get so angry about myself that I spent days punishing myself with self-hatred. But what for? You can forgive others, so why do you think you don't have the right to forgive yourself?

Stop comparing yourself to others
What I found was that I often compared myself to other people. And that's in fact something most people do. I know it is hard to not compare yourself with others. But the problem with comparison is that you will always find someone that is smarter, better looking or skinnier than you. Comparison makes no sense because you compare yourself with someone that is often in a completely different context, different life stage and generally different life circumstances. As comparison only happens on the surface, we also tend to get stuck on the aspects that we find the counterpart to be superior in. Imagine if a bumble bee would compare itself to a bee. It would probably only get depressed by it because it would notice that a bee can fly faster, is more efficient, skinnier and more skilled because it can produce honey. Humans are at least as diverse and different as bees and bumble bees are. So it makes no sense to compare yourself to others, because as individuals we are all equipped with unique skills. There is no one you can or should measure yourself against.

Get to know yourself and find your path
It took me a long time figuring out what I want to do in life. I ended up changing studies three times and wasn't very happy with what I was doing. What I noticed was that the closer I got to know myself and what I wanted in life, the more confident I grew. And the more self-love I could harvest from it. It took years and I'm still learning and exploring but I urge you to be patient with yourself. Finding what you love gives you orientation and determination to start loving life and the one that's in charge of it: You.

Be more mindful and receptive
What people with self-love have in common is that they are receptive to their needs and listen to themselves. They are more mindful. When their body sends out warning signals of stress and tiredness, they don't ignore it. They listen to their bodies and respond accordingly. Because they care about their own well-being. And how should you grow in self-love if you don't give yourself the respect and care you deserve? Loving yourself also means that you should know your boundaries and how far you can push yourself. Also, always listen to your feelings-Don't oppress them but allow them to be heard.

Go travel, see the world
Something that increased my self-confidence enormously was when I decided to go travel by myself. It takes initial courage but is very rewarding once out and about. Being all by yourself (at least in the beginning of your travels) will show you the great things you're capable of doing on your own. You will have to fully trust yourself and will get to know yourself better in the process. But the feeling that you're fully in charge, you decide where to go and what to do, is very empowering.

Be kind to others
Showing love and respect towards others, I believe, will be directly reflected in the love towards yourself. The common proverb of: "Treat others the way you want to be treated" brings it to the point. You cannot expect others to appreciate and respect you, if you don't respect them. What I often notice is that on days where I go out with a more positive and open attitude, smile at strangers and compliment others for example, my mood lifts instantly and I walk around with more confidence. It gives me strength and it ultimately shows up in greater self-love that comes from a positive attitude that you carry out into the world.

So those were my tipps. I hope that I somewhat managed to give you an understsanding of how you can grow to become a more self-loving person. Self-love is a very important gift and I'd like to mention at this point that self-love is an ongoing process. We are growing every day of our lives and with every day we will face new challenges and situations. It's important to be aware that you there will be days maybe where you feel insecure and low in self-esteem. It's ok, we all have days like those. The easiest one can do then is to accept those days and feelings and remember that self-love is a work in progess. Self-love always needs some stimulation to keep growing but it's a path that's not only worth pursuing - it's vital.